4 Phrases to avoid when talking to your kids | Dr. Kayleigh Sumner, Educational Psychologist
Dr Kayleigh Sumner
Educational Psychologist
Specialisation: Child & Adolescent Development, Wellbeing, Anxiety, Social-Emotional Learning
Regulatory Body: HCPC
Based in: UK
🧠The words said to children when they are young do not simply pass through.
They settle, shaping how a child understands their worth, their emotions, and what is expected of them.
Some of the most well-intended phrases can cause unintended harm. Comparing a child to others, dismissing tears, labelling ability as fixed, or placing them on a pedestal of constant performance all leave a mark that becomes much harder to shift once it has formed.
Dr Kayleigh Sumner identifies four phrases commonly used by parents and carers that can quietly undermine self-esteem, and offers specific, practical alternatives for each. The shift in every case is not about sugarcoating. It is about moving from dismissal or comparison toward acknowledgement and growth: validating a feeling rather than shutting it down, praising effort over outcome, and responding to difficulty with a growth mindset rather than a fixed judgement.
Language shapes internal worlds. The earlier that shaping is intentional, the longer it lasts.
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